A Brief(?) Lamentation

After a rather horrible two-and-a-half weeks, I am temporarily rehabilitated from discouragement, etc., and the job search has picked up again. I wish it weren't such a depressing process. I'm insecure about what prospective employers will think about my qualifications, though I regret nothing as far as dropping out of university goes, due to the possibly mistaken belief that a bachelor's degree is primarily a piece of paper than can prove much or, more often, little. What I regret far more is that I haven't proper work experience, as it would evidently be far more useful in fitting me for a job and in giving me a better understanding of what awaits me.

I also don't like including the URL for this blog in my c.v., because this is meant to be read by people who are interested in some of the subjects and not by people trying to form a critical sense of who I am. But it is a representative overview of my writing and it corroborates much of the information in the rest of the c.v. (It proves, for instance, that I've genuinely been sitting at home since July 2006, not frequenting crack houses or engaging in other more exciting but less reputable activities). And mentioning it doesn't make me much more self-conscious than usual because the chances that prospective employers are going to do more than glance at it, or be bored to tears, are infinitesimal.

What's also depressing is coming across so many sleazy jobs, jobs for which I'm underqualified, and jobs from companies who choose to remain anonymous and don't give sufficient detail, so that it's impossible to tell what precisely they do and what precisely they might require. As a friend of fine language, catchphrases like "future-orientated" and "young and dynamic" equally puzzle and annoy me, especially the second example, which I think is an obvious euphemism for "no old people." Most of all I hate spurious job advertisements that prey on the desperation and gullibility of the unemployed; it's a horrid way of kicking people when they're down.

Anyway, aside from looking for work in Berlin I've begun looking for work in New York again. Even though the chances are not great, I still hope that I can find an employment niche, besides which I am still determined not to neglect fair opportunities when they are offered.

It would be nice to say that career isn't the only thing on my mind right now, but largely it is. I've been thinking about stories but haven't come up with anything, the piano is going badly, there is no especially compelling news saga at present (though I have been following the Miss California nonsense with vivid interest, especially because opposition to gay marriage is so difficult for me to understand), the piano concert we attended on Friday was worthwhile but disappointing (and I should have slept more beforehand), and I have come across no particularly gripping films or books. Most of all I need a good, solid project.

Looking at the positive side of things, though, I'm convinced that this misery is a good preparation for a job. It could scarcely be worse, and if it's much better, I'll be all the more contented and hard-working (q.v. university, after the gap year which was largely devoted to insecurity and brooding).