Wednesday, August 31, 2022

The 2022 Layoff Fashion Trend

Today we were expecting a video call announcement from the overall CEO of the company, but instead we received an email after the lunch hour. It was long and euphemistic, but eventually explained that over 1,000 people will lose their jobs due to The Macroeconomic Situation.

Right after that, we received more specific emails relating to the situation not internationally, but specifically in Europe and then specifically at our part of the company.

It was disgruntling to read that the colleagues who are laid off will already have all their email and Slack accounts shuttered tomorrow. We might not realize for days which of our work friends or acquaintances have 'disappeared.'

I was told this afternoon specifically not to tell anyone in my team if they were fired or not. This was awkward because I was already making exceptions for my team if anyone reported feeling acutely anxious. And I felt that the managing director had been quite fine with my telling people they were safe.

Anyway, this is all standard practice in large companies, so I'm not saying this to complain about my employer.

It's just a terrible situation generally. Even while as someone who's not being laid off or making decisions to fire anyone, I feel I have no right to complain about my part.

Saturday, August 27, 2022

Netflix and 1974

The work week became worse, which was a surprise. But colleagues' kindnesses and solidarity were bright spots. Our managing director chatted with me about our overall situation on Wednesday to try to set my mind at ease.

Right now it's probably best to focus on the weekend itself.

Last evening my siblings, mother and I had a sort of carouse to celebrate two of our brothers travelling to Canada. Gi. bought everything from Jaffa cakes to jelly beans and laid it out on the kitchen table, T. came for a visit, we ordered in Kentucky Fried Chicken and watched The Lost City with Sandra Bullock, Mama returned from her latest pilgrimage after 9 p.m., and then we chatted until Ge. drove the two youngest brothers to the airport at 3 a.m.

I liked The Lost City, although it isn't the best film. It was shot in the Dominican Republic, but much distorted with computer-generated imagery; the unreal colours purposefully suggest a game. I've generally grown to detest CGI as the killer of genuine creativity, but I can croak like a Cassandra all I want — it won't influence the cinematic trend. The script really refreshingly undermined engrained colonialist, materialist and Black-best-friend tropes, and gender roles, without being preachy or obvious aside from an exchange about 'mansplaining'. I still thought the dialogue was thin. (Also, a nice town and restaurant were shown on an island, which was then destroyed by a volcanic eruption. Presumably homes and livelihoods and people vanished. That open end was not addressed at all. But I'm biased toward taking this aspect too seriously by having read news about volcanic eruptions in the Canary Islands and Hawaii these past few years.) It cheered me up a lot.

***

For 1974, I ate a second breakfast based on a recipe in a diabetics' food guide published that year in Munich. It was a mixture of cornflakes, milk, yoghurt, apple, and berries that I considered rather hair-raising to eat.

(Besides I practiced my typewriting. Apparently American machines expect typists to use a small l as the number 1 but to use the number 0 for 0, whereas the German machine I have seems to expect typists to use the number 1 — a little difficult as it is one of the keys that requires the pinky finger to strike it — but to use the capital letter O for 0.

And I cooked another round of Grütze with self-made apple pectin, apricots, a peach, and a few red currants and raspberries. Ge., our mother and I went for a walk to the park as well. It was a relief when the walk proved that I was in better health again; yesterday I'd been so wobbly that my legs felt like sticks when I got up to walk around in the apartment, and I didn't dare go on a step stool for fearing of tottering off.

Besides I did some work because I'm so worried about the lag in processing new clients, but stopped due to technical difficulties. At first I was a little antsy that I had been laid off after all and was therefore denied access to my work email accounts, but it was evidently just a poor internet connection ... Those seconds of doubt were not fun.)

Fortunately M. and aunt L. came for a visit later. They brought masses of cake, which we had with tea and coffee.

In the evening L. and we went to a restaurant to eat baba ghanoush, fattoush, falafel with yoghurt dip and more salad, deep-fried sheep's cheese, and lentil soup. We washed it down with a date syrup drink, peppermint tea, and a cold minty drink whose name I have forgotten. The tables outside were mostly full of chatting diners, three mice frolicked around, the waiters were busy but good-humoured. In the grey sky, thunder rolled beyond the white tent canopy. It was happily cool after another humid, warm-ish day. The food was well-prepared.

We also discussed family stuff. There's a series of events happening next week to celebrate the Mendelssohn side of the family here in Berlin.

Let's see...

Saturday, August 20, 2022

A Week in Work Purgatory

Last week was terrible after Monday as well. My team is severely understaffed. At times it has felt like half is out due to illness or long vacations. Everyone who does come into work is finding themselves doing the most repetitive tasks we have two or even three times: once for their own clients, a second time for the absent teammate's clients, and if they're unlucky a third time for another absent teammate whose back-up teammate is also out on holiday... There's barely any time to finish any work beyond the routine, let alone pick up new clients.

My anxiety about the lay-offs that will hit my company soon, is reaching painful levels. I don't know if it was just the clinging humidity and warmth of the past two weeks, but I found myself waking up before 9 a.m. multiple times. The last time I woke up that early above 1x or 2x per year, when not travelling, was for 8 a.m. classes for university, eight or more years ago. And I feel a painful compulsion to work harder and harder as a kind of cosmic bargain to keep my team safe.

It was worst on Friday, when I woke up before 5 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep. Before 7:30 a.m. I started working. And working and working and working. I did take lunch between 1 and 2:40ish p.m., but I think intermittently worked after all due to the anxiety. After about 4 p.m. I was totally exhausted, but I had mandatory training videos that I needed to watch by the end of the day to conform to regulations of the Federal Trade Commission in the US. Because the videos were so incredibly boring I kept getting distracted, and finally logged off my laptop well after 9 p.m.

In between, the just-below-top-management circle contacted me in shock and horror about an apparent major incident regarding our biggest client, that apparently showed an utter breach in my responsibility to monitor client traffic. In fact I think they just spotted a problem on the client's side that the client-facing colleagues and my team had alerted the client to a long time ago and that we have been constantly working on ever since. In fact we'd put at least 75 hours of work into it, in July alone.

I had also handed in a spreadsheet to the top management team, following a template they had given fellow team leads and me and asked to fill out. This template had made my fellow team leads and me all suspicious: we were supposed to list our teammates one by one, rate if were likely to leave the company, list what we could do to keep them in the company (fair enough), and then ... select how much we wanted to keep them in the company on a scale of 1 to 3. We (the team leads who discussed this) all thought: What. the. hell., and all mentioned that we'd put 1 for every teammate. With all affection and respect, I don't really rate the top management team highly for honesty here.

I need another day like that, like I need a hole in the head.

Monday, August 15, 2022

A Mopy Evening Ramble

It looks like the economic storm will also touch my company more strongly after all, so after an unhappy and tense meeting of fellow team leads, and the rest of the work day, I ended up listlessly wandering outdoors in the rainy twilight. Then I bought groceries on impulse from a chain store that was still open: smoked salmon, garlic bread, instant rice, a marzipan bar, chocolate-covered marshmallows, a square of mint chocolate, a jar of pickles, and a few donations for refugees.

Current events are a bit of a perfect storm: the weather being humid and hot, droughts, unexplained mass fish die-offs in a river east of Berlin, war, news of Kosovo cutting off electricity imports and introducing rationing as it can't afford energy prices any more. Then there is work: tons of colleagues out on holiday, out physically sick, or out mentally sick, involuntarily leaving a double load behind them that other colleagues must shoulder; news of lay-offs in other companies; and now our own looming news.

In terms of work aside from these broader considerations, the day was also not that great, and because I was worried about something I had done overtime over the weekend that ruined my one-day vacation.

I felt too stunned to know what to do next after the work day was done, also uncertain what will be asked of me in the following months. And I had to tell myself that the important thing is to keep going: to put one foot in front of the other, and to keep doing it.

To borrow an old quotation, 'These are times that try men's souls.'

Sunday, August 14, 2022

The Fierce Eye of August, and a Brief Ramble on the News

As it's Sunday, I went on another walk to the allotment gardens nearby. The sun was fierce, and on the way back I saw two smaller clouds in the mostly blue sky, one of which dwindled away in size as I watched in what I presumed was evaporation. But because I had waited until 3 p.m. to set off, the shadows of the buildings, fences, hedges and trees were reasonably deep and — after acclimating to the heat — I felt it was not so bad.

The news and private conversations are full of droughts in Berlin, Brandenburg, the Rhine River valley, France, Spain and Portugal; and it would take a very hardened skeptic indeed not to believe in the severity of global warming.

I saw further berries shrivelled on the bushes, crispy leaves partly turning brown, the silky hay-like grass that is of course however no oddity in August, and smelled the dust in the air.

In the allotment gardens the aspect was greener, of course, due to rather wasteful water sprinkling even in the middle of the day. Growing up in the rain shadow where the coastal British Columbia mountains siphon off most of the moisture before it reaches Victoria, I became familiar early on with drip hoses, which I think should be adopted more often here. My paternal grandfather (who had studied agricultural engineering in Vienna while on leave from the army in World War II) also faithfully watered his garden only in the evening, after the sun's shadows were so long that they reached to the end of the neighbour's yard.

Grapes are ripening and turning purple on many of the vines, the Virginia creeper berries are still green, and a few late roses remain in pale pink and deep red. Spurs of other vines and tree branches create rather pretty arcs of shade at the fences and gateways.

While in the past weeks the fruit trees reminded me of solemn, stern Baroque paintings of fruit, in the style perhaps of Arcimboldo, this week they were splashes of colour. Purple plums with their paler dust, red-cheeked apples and pears bursting on their boughs, paler late apples and quinces still dusty on the boughs, and a few yellowy peaches surviving the thinned leaves on their own trees.

Hibiscus bushes are in flower, often a lilac colour but darker where the overblown blossoms shrivel; sunny echinacea flowers with their brown centres like a little dog's nose; a few of the sunflowers have already been harvested. I also saw a pumpkin hanging on a raised vine, still green and lightly speckled as a pale marrow.

I took home a few apples, underripe, to make another round of jam or Rote Grütze.

Recently I took some of these windfall apples, diced them peel and core and all, boiled them for around 30 minutes with enough water to cover (all of this taken from a recipe in the blog The Spruce Eats), drained them overnight, and then boiled the pectin-laden dripping liquid gently with a little sugar and many blueberries, red currants, strawberries, and blackberries.

When the berry sauce was thicker, I took it off the heat. Then I poured it into a yoghurt tub when it had cooled; and I kept it in the refrigerator, where the aroma of the berries ripened and sent forth a nice scent whenever we opened the tub. It was lovely to eat stirred into yoghurt.

*

In terms of news events, I was shocked to read that Salman Rushdie had been stabbed in New York State. I'm old enough to remember his novel Satanic Verses from the 1990s.

In Britain, the news that Liz Truss is likely to become the next Chancellor is not invigorating either. Her opposition to Brexit originally is evidence of some grains of sense. But Rishi Sunak seems to have a firmer grasp of reality in general.

If what I heard in a news analysis podcast from the British magazine New Statesman is true, Boris Johnson is heavily angling against him using his press connections, out of a sense of political revenge. (Liz Truss has still staunchly defended Johnson, which bewildered me until I heard that podcast.)

What surprises me is that both candidates are now embracing the kind of prolific government spending that the Labour Party was sharply (and from what I could tell, sometimes fairly) criticized for a decade ago.

I'm also disappointed that transphobia was used as a tool against Penny Mordaunt's candidacy, and by Liz Truss. It's never a good sign if one picks on a relatively defenseless minority, when in fact it's the best test of a liberal democracy if minorities have equal rights that suit their specific needs.

Lastly, I hope that the next American presidential election won't be another shocker. I think it was appropriate for the FBI to retrieve files from the golf course of the 45th President. From what I've read, military men and civilians who worked closely with him are pretty much universally shocked with his cavalier approach to national security. So I think it is also important to make sure that he cannot become a presidential candidate again.

Otherwise it's like the Labour Party MPs who were absolutely convinced that Brexit will ruin the British economy for decades to come, but on the basis that a thin majority of their electoral district voted for Brexit, insisted on voting for self-annihilation in Parliament 'for democracy!'

It also seems to be a worldwide trend to be so navel gazing that one blames one's current government for high gas prices and for other phenomena — which, surprise surprise, are actually also problems in most other countries and have no magic solution. Which is I guess a big risk in the re-election of Joe Biden, or of another Democratic candidate.

Saturday, August 06, 2022

Saturday in 1971: Macramé and Typewriting

It was another busy day today.

Last week at work was interesting because the tech industry revenue and layoffs crisis is looming closer and closer. I'm beginning to realize that instant karma is probably going to bop me on the head; feeling safely employed has instilled the 'safe world hypothesis' that everything will turn out for the best, whereas I should be thinking more of people who have been laid off and also not be idling in hubris.

For once I woke up at around 9 a.m. despite its being Saturday. Mama was absorbed in the newspaper in the living room, but soon needed to leave to meet her tandem partner. Ge. was awake, too, and when the French shop nearby opened, he went off to buy the morning baguette and croissants. The baguette was so fresh that it was incredibly soft underneath its crispy shell, the croissants also fresh, and we had coffee to go with them both.

The French shop is also closing for 2 weeks' summer holidays, so they had persuaded Ge. to buy a salami and a little round cheese at a lower price, so that they wouldn't spoil. The salami was well worth it based on the slice I tasted: pork with flavourings and with a taste that I felt was genuine and a little goat-y (not in a bad way).

Before breakfast I typed more exercises from the touch-typewriting booklet. The farther I progress in the booklet, the worse my errors become. Pudel explained when he visited last week that electronic typewriters (which allowed you to correct errors a bit!), and then PCs, were also introduced hoping that they would have a good environmental impact: reams of paper used to be wasted on text that had to be thrown into the garbage due to typos. But I still think it's an ingenious machine. My heart sings whenever I hear the mechanical 'ding!!' when the letters reach the righthand margin.

I also played the first pages of Tchaikovsky's piano concerto again, having recently rediscovered it during cleaning, and am not finding it any easier; swept the floor of the kitchen; darned a sock; very briefly listened to the radio; neatened one or two shelves; and skimmed more pages of Maria Edgeworth's 19th century novel Patronage.

(I've become a big fan of Radio France International, was delighted to find that I do understand a few words of Turkish by listening to a Berlin-based Turkish-language channel, and can access a wide range of music genres from hip-hop through jazz and classical and rock to world, as well as BBC World interviews, on a radio I found amongst all the stuff we have in our apartment. RFI has made me aware, through its great international news coverage, that I mostly only hear the news of 20% of the world's inhabitants. What would a news website look like, I've been ruminating, if it covers mostly Indian and Chinese news, very little American news, and almost no European news, based on percentage of population by nationality? wouldn't it inform us far more? - Besides RFI also has interviews that always leave me with a quirky piece of knowledge that I'd never heard of before and that gives me food for thought for a pleasant interval afterward.)

As my first outing of the day, I cycled in appropriately 70s-ish striped t-shirt and wide-leg trousers to Kreuzberg and bought strawberries, purple plums, chard, green garlic, frilly green lettuce, Turkish delight, instant coffee, filo pastry, and a jar of rose jam from a Turkish grocery store. It was the first time I've ever bought rose jam, which turned out to be very soft and syrupy with orangey ghosts of the flower petals floating in the subtly scented jelly. The strawberries were very aromatic and richly sweet.

One of the things I'm planning to celebrate from the 70s is the macramé craze, rather indifferently I'm afraid to the actual precise year of its ascent to fame. Macramé is of course a trend in the fashion industry again, so it was not entirely a surprise that a shop window of a crafts store was dedicated to it. (It was nice to see the apple shop in the neighbourhood doing a brisk business when I walked by as the fruit is coming in season here: a queue of two people was waiting on the pavement.) At any rate I ended up getting a large spool of 3.5 mm diameter yarn and two bamboo circles for the handles of a beach bag, per instructions I found on YouTube. [After my 1971 time ended in the evening, I started on it with Ge.'s help, and have now probably messed up at least two double half hitch knots.] The thought of making wall hangings frankly drives me up the wall, pun intended; my experiment needs to be something useful.

Besides I brought an appliance to a neighbourhood shop for repairs. The two men there were unexpectedly jovial, likely looking forward to their weekend. It'll likely take a month, but if they can repair it, we should finally be able to listen to the TV and to vinyl records normally again!

Besides I went to two more grocery stores: First, a minimal-packaging shop where I bought mung beans, large rolled oats, olive oil, fusilli pasta, a soap, and baking soda — in a tupperware container, a jar, a bottle, and two bags that I had brought from home. Second, the organic grocery store across the street. It didn't have the mint, dill, extra phyllo pastry and extra parsley I wanted for the spanakopita recipe I'd been planning to make on Sunday. But at least I was able to turn up spinach and feta cheese.

Then I went donating soap etc. again — not so much this time, but the volunteer who accepted the donation did still seem delighted that her shift hadn't been in vain. She said that she hoped the war would be over soon.

Ge. cooked sausages, potatoes, red cabbage, and peas, which we ate with beer and a lettuce salad, and I felt pleasantly full. It's also nice to have Mama back from her walking tour. And I'm pleased it's no longer between 34 and 38°C hot, as it was again earlier last week.

I'm wondering how next week at work will turn out. But until then we have Sunday.