The First Week as a Gasthörer

On Tuesday and Wednesday I went to Greek classes at the university. Also a Spanish class that I couldn't stay in (there were too many other students who needed to attend and I found out belatedly that the guest auditor programme didn't cover it).

It was a little stressful.

For example: My old Greek professor would be glad to have me back in class, I was pretty sure although we hadn't seen each other since a party at the family apartment in 2018. But no answer ever arrived to the inquiry email I'd sent weeks ago. So I was taking a risk by showing up.

Besides the scheduling is early in the morning (8 a.m.... eurgh), and I feel weird sharing resources with properly immatriculated students who are 10 years younger than me who deserve more of the spotlight. Also the logistical bumps in getting even this far are making me more and more anxious about actually being accepted as a student in November.

Then on Wednesday evening I developed a congested nose, and have had to stay home the rest of the week. So much for launching smoothly into the semester...

That said, although individual grammatical things are spectacularly lousy and it's clear I won't be able to follow along a class entirely conducted in Greek after I accidentally showed up to a first-year class instead of the introductory class, I feel like I'm not behind the others in the introductory class. The work I've put in here and there to keep up with Greek over the years has been useful.

Besides I am beginning to feel that at least in terms of having a tidier room, cooking and baking at leisure again (I prepared ayran with yoghurt, water, salt, and dried mint leaves today), working away on writing and photography projects, taking care of houseplants, and feeling like I have time for family and friends ... my life is beginning to sort itself out again.

It's not the full picture. But I'm a little less hopped-up on anxiety than 1 or 2 months ago, my conscience is more at ease, and I no longer feel when I'm communing with thoughts of my father that I've gone a bit astray or that there's something I'm leaving undone or that I'm wasting my life (I just need to keep going on this new path: not give up).