Not-So-Wild Holiday Pursuits . . .

The summer holidays are well underway now, and the subconscious expectation that I will go back to university again soon seems to have faded away. Some days ago I discovered that my French 221 mark was 22%, which is fair given my infrequent attendance and failure to write either of two essays or even the midterm, but which is unfair given the fact that I read all the material and experienced a fair incline in my French learning curve. I didn't mean to miss the midterm. . . .

The plans to go to Germany are progressing. In about ten days my mother and I will fly to Kingston, Ontario, to pack up our belongings from our house there. We have also bought plane tickets from Vancouver to Berlin-Tegel (with the delightful shorthand name TXL), for July 2. The owners of our prospective apartment in the former east of Berlin will let us know on Tuesday if our offer has been accepted. I've also looked for a job on the Internet, an exhausting process that firmly underlines my utter lack of "Fachkenntnisse" and "Berufserfahrung." I'm also contemplating applying to go to the Freie Universitaet in Berlin. The problem is deciding on a program -- perhaps comparative literature? -- and figuring out whether I have a chance of being accepted.

The university question has raised another question in my mind: shouldn't I change the way I approach my studies? Up until now my general purpose has been simply to be educated and to develop my mental faculties. Perhaps the self-centeredness of this approach is the reason why my academic record is not so brilliant, and why I'm not a particularly desirable student. I think I should decide on a particular field, devote my energies and attention to it, and if possible contribute something new to it. On the other hand, my academic ambition and ability are both moderate.

Anyway, I'm putting off the decision. I'm continuing in the Italian textbook and the History of Western Philosophy (Papa read out a chapter on the sophists today), and often playing the piano, sometimes even with the metronome, in the hopes that this will help me in future and take the place of whichever education I fail to get in case I'm not accepted to any university, etc. Before I go to sleep I'm now reading Ovid's Metamorphoses. But in the final analysis I think I'm mostly acquiring surface knowledge that enables me to show off beautifully but that has little deeper significance, and which doesn't enable me to discuss a topic intelligently. It also irritates me that even this surface knowledge rarely comes in useful; the only time it is relevant is when professors impart trivia to the class, where I don't see any point in putting up my hand and airing my erudition. To be fair, however, I really like the feeling of knowing many things without being obnoxious or feeling superior to everyone else; even if it doesn't make me actively happy it makes me content.

But I don't only spend my time in Very Good pursuits. I've been watching plenty of TV -- the usual political satire, What Not to Wear, School of Rock (which I liked even if I found that the teacher should really not have stopped his students from learning other things), Iron Chef, and French news (really excellent). I've also played tennis (mostly standing around while my oldest brothers practise their serve, sticking out my tongue at my third brother, and making snide remarks) and gone on walks and one bicycle ride. Then I play countless doomed games of spider solitaire, with two decks.