Five Years After

It's the 5th anniversary of the death of my father today, although if I hadn't been reminded of it I likely wouldn't have remembered myself.

Almost every day of the year the loss of him has been weighing on me, and I'm kind of wondering where my trust and belief in life after death and happy resting places have gone. — I think not entirely disappeared, but temporarily crowded out by the feeling that life is a bit worse every day because he is not there.

On the other hand, in the past few days I've been thinking more of the joy I've found talking with him and not holding back my thoughts or feelings, the pride I took in e.g. dropping slang at home until he used the phrase 'Too Much Information' despite his generally proper diction, the fun of trying to wiggle more information out of him about things when he was usually quite reticent, and in general how nice it is to have had a father whom one can miss so badly.