Flowers, a Spanish Essay and Sewing

We're expecting 33°C weather tomorrow. So while lush May and early June flowers remain — like elderflower, jasmine, and bellflowers — especially in the shaded hedges, and the linden trees are still diffusing a lovely fragrance from their pale leaf-petals, I expect everything green and bright will become withered and straw-like sooner or later. It is a particularly bad year for rain, but I still can't water the trees in the neighbourhood because the street water pump is still out of service; the RBB news network has even run an article about the widespread problem of non-operational pumps. (This malfunctioning is also a spanner in the works of Berlin's emergency planning, because the Notbrunnen are meant to be a back-up resource for civilians.)

While frantically cycling between universities — again, it's sadly a necessity every Thursday due to my schedule this summer — I noticed that the diesel(?) price at a gas station has finally dipped to 181 cents per litre. Thanks, probably, to the Memorandum of Understanding that was just signed between Iran and the United States.

I've been struggling with overstimulation at university: due to the Franco presentation, then an in-class essay, regular homework, and bouts of migraines/tension headaches that make it impossible to do homework.

The 600-word, Spanish-language in-class essay was especially stressful as I didn't quite know how to prepare for it. Nevertheless, at first it went beautifully. I was well-rested before writing it, the argumentative structures were neat, and I recollected many pertinent details from our semester materials, etc. (Of course I did make mistakes, but still.) ... Then the professor alerted us: we had 5 minutes left. Sadly, it was impossible to transfer the rest of of my draft essay text to the final version paper in that time.

My main consolations (besides a fairly decent class attendance record, and the successful tackling of much of my prescribed readings and homework) have been 1. the fairly warm atmosphere amongst my classmates and professors, and 2. little discoveries along the route to campus — like random police officers standing on deserted sidewalks and foxes trotting into the underbrush.

*

Another factor in the overstimulation has been performing in my choir's two summer concerts. That said, I enjoyed the first one hugely, and Mama, T. and J. came to watch it. It was just that practicing the songs at home before the concert, to avoid singing off rhythm and out of tune, is stressful.

(It was only when they and I walked home together after the event that J. divulged the details of his highly adventurous afternoon. He and Ge. capsized their canoe in one of Berlin's southwestern lakes, soaked their shoes and clothes and wallets in evil-smelling water, and ruined a smartphone and a digital camera (which now have to be replaced). But they were wearing life jackets, and they were in such a shallow area that they were able to wade through the mucky urban lake bottom to terra firma. Meanwhile Gi., staying perfectly dry and on top of the water surface in his kayak, helped steer the canoe to the shore.

As a temporary measure, J. is enjoying the use of my old smartphone — the phone that I was phasing out because its battery has been bulging, a little alarmingly, for months.)

Ge. had already wisely decided to stay at home instead of attending the concert, since he would work an early shift the next day. So he recovered at leisure from the canoeing shenanigans.

The second concert has not happened yet. It will be on Sunday: part of the Fête de la Musique.

***

On Wednesday, I had a brief phone interview for a one-day job that I am very excited about: conducting voter polling during the next Berlin city government election, on behalf of one of Germany's two big public television channels. They have promised to contact me again, with a positive or negative response, in July or August.

I'm also keeping an eye out for other jobs to help fill the summer holidays. (No news from the political think tank, mentioned in the last blog post, yet.)

I am growing increasingly cranky about worrying about my spending.

My latest flight of anxiety: Even buying darning wool for my socks at €1.20 per package now seems extravagant. So I thought to ask the local zero-waste shop if I could have the packing yarn that is used to sew shut some of the bags of food. Happily the staff said yes, were delighted by the idea because they've just been throwing away the yarn, and have already given me the first string. But, to be honest, I felt a little embarrassed...

The round of socks that I mended over the past months is beginning to dissolve into holes now, which is deflating my morale. But I have mended a pair of pajama pants as well, and that made me feel very accomplished.

Dim Pages of History, and Hunting for Work

Today was well below 30°C but humid and warmer than I'd like again. Exhausted from the past week and the Franco dictatorship presentation preparation — I was practically reading articles and taking notes night and day for a while, and on the day of the presentation I had to cycle from the Freie Universität to the Humboldt Universität and back again (I only had 30 minutes to do each trip if I wanted to arrive to class on time; but it takes at least 45 minutes for me, if not 50, so I was chronically late) — I only got up around 11 a.m.

Then my siblings returned from their travels to Ireland, sleep-deprived but happy, and we feasted on porter cake, Oxford cake, and vanilla fudge that they had brought back. We postponed the viewing of their travel photos to a later date. In the evening, Uncle Pu popped by for a visit.

My only outing was shopping: at the zero waste store, for eggs, powdered sugar, cocoa powder, and tomato passata.

***

Friday was easier, university-wise.

In the afternoon the Greek History professor gave his usual video class. He was, lamentably!, confident that we had all read the prescribed texts and therefore did not need to be told year by year what happened during the Greek Civil War. But after the Franco research, and last week's immersion in the Pontic genocide after World War I and the fall of Constantinople in my other Greek classes, I was all warfare'd out. Before the class I'd opened up the website that hosts our course materials, twice, and tested myself by looking at the links he had posted; it was rather as if I'd had the stomach flu and were checking if I could stand the thought of eating certain foods again. But both times I felt an instant aversion. So I definitely have not read the prescribed texts, did need to be told year by year what happened during the Greek Civil War, and will have to review that material in future.

***

This week I also did my personal household accounting for May. It was of course easy, given my somewhat limited set of expenses and a very limited set of incomes. My largest cost centres are the rent, food, and health insurance.

Then I sent off an application for a job at a political think thank that would require 10 hours of work per week.

In general I feel uncomfortable about figuring out which jobs to apply for and how to configure my CV. Firstly, I haven't entirely figured out which way I want my career to go, secondly I have many interests, thirdly I wish I'd had at least one other full-time job of 2 years or more to fill out my job history (my volunteer work timeline feels more impressive than my paid work timeline), fourthly my 40 years of living are breathing down my neck, and lastly I'm sitting on many fences when it comes to junior vs. senior qualifications. The pragmatic thing to do would be to finally self-study math, statistics, computer architecture and computer programming, and put my last full-time job to good use. But another central problem, aside from qualifications, is that I detest tooting my own horn, and (to paraphrase Burns) have never been given the gift to see myself as others see me.